What We Know
Neuroscience and research have shown us that the place of most significant change and healing happens within the context of a relationship. Unfortunately, our deepest wounds can also originate from our closest relationships and inner circle.
Ideally, relationships are safe, genuine spaces that allow us to show up at our best and worst and still receive love and care. However, they sometimes contain anger, abuse, disregard, and neglect, driving us toward deep wounding. Over time, these difficult relationships degrade our capacity and desire to trust others and ourselves.
Therapists often encounter clients in this situation. They are hurt and confused and no longer feel they could rely on anyone. They desire to step into their healing journey but don’t see how to begin or feel there is no hope for improvement.
“Fire can warm or consume, water can quench or drown, wind can caress or cut. And so it is with human relationships: we can both create and destroy, nurture and terrorize, traumatize and heal each other.” -Bruce D. Perry.
How can anyone heal when stuck in this paradox?
When we have experienced complex relationships, lived in hurt, or worse, our minds, bodies, and hearts become concerned with protecting ourselves. We need to remember how to receive care and compassion and be in a healthy relationship. The therapeutic relationship, or relationship between the therapist and client, acts as a neutral and restorative space where a new healthy relationship may occur.
A powerful connection develops slowly each time the client meets with the therapist. The therapist stands in as a mirror to reflect what they see and hear and a gentle guide that can help make sense out of confusing tangled emotions. They create a place for you to share and be heard, to practice trusting another with your hurts, and a place to feel and release emotions—a place to be connected again.
Over time, the relationship with the therapist becomes one of the best tools in the healing process. These interactions help the brain, body, and heart relearn how to give care and receive care and feel the reward of being in concert with one another while maintaining the necessary boundaries to feel and be safe. In turn, the client can often transfer that learning to other relationships.
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